oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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