u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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