it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
