Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
