i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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