Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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