So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
