I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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