So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
