You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
