She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
