Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
