So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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