I think I died a long time ago.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
