I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize