dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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