you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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