remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
