i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
