we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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