I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
