if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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