I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
