I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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