My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
