Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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