took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
