If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
