Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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