I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
