so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
