I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
