dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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