Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize