He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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