and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
