My hand turned me down
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
