I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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