I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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