I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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