I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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