1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
