i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
