i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Randomize
