I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
