You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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