Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
