I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
