So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
