Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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