Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
