She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
