I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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