Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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