apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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