Your mouth is God's brothel.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
