Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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