i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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