I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
