I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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