dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
