The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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