Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
