Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
