So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
