I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
