You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
